"[Grant that I might not seek] to be loved, as to love."

I have not always been a cat person.  I was raised with cats and dogs, adored kittens, but I can't say that I ever dreamed of the day when I would have my own cats.  I was always more into dogs than cats.  Who knew that for the first 2/3 of my senior year, I would have my own apartment and my own pets?  This definitely happened.  I got a dog, Hope, 2 months before I moved in, and right when I moved in..I got a cat.  Liam.  A few months later, I got another cat, Lucy.  Hope ended up staying with my parents, and they have all but adopted her, so for quite awhile I had only Liam and Lucy living with me.  At some point I applied to be a foster parents for dogs, and I had a cute little beagle/Chihuahua thing placed with me.  He ended up being everything I needed/wanted in a dog, so I (with the help of my awesome parents) adopted him.  His name is ColbyJack, after the cheese.

Lucy

Liam

ColbyJack

I didn't realize how important my animals, especially my cats, are to me until this summer.  Rather than being overwhelmed with homesickness for my friends and family (I can stay in touch with them via phone/internet), I have found myself overwhelmed with a longing for my pets.  Here I am surrounded by people 24/7, so I don't have time to miss human contact.  But there is no replacement for Liam, Lucy, and ColbyJack.  Back home whenever I have bad days, I could recluse myself in my apartment and snuggle with my pets and breathe.  Lucy never fails to jump in my lap with loud purrs, wanting to cuddle and be petted.  Liam does the same, and ColbyJack, though he doesn't purr, does snuggle with me, and is my constant companion.  I love them, and they love me in return, causing this awesome loving cycle.

Lately I have been finding myself socially, emotionally, and physically exhausted.  I came into this internship sprinting like an idiot, and now I am slowing down to a saunter-jog.  That said, I am not as "friendly" or "outgoing" as I was the first few weeks, and it is taking more work than I wish it was to get to that point.  I have to dig a little deeper and try harder to find compassion and love for people who are no longer "new" to me.  I am jaded.

Today is my day off, and I decided to go to a friends house to spend the day and cook lunch.  Right after I got here and got out of my car, I was approached by a ratty looking kitten/possibly-dwarfed-cat.  Its tongue was sticking out, its fur was dirty, oily, and matted beyond repair, the thing was absolutely disgusting.  Without too much of a second thought, I knelt down beside it and petted it and talked softly to it.  It purred loud, enjoying the attention.  I picked it up and held it against me for a little bit, slightly concerned for fleas, but dismissing the thought.  My friend brought it a bowl of water and a can of cat food, which it scarfed down quickly.

I have been pondering what it meant to pet this mangy cat and hold it.  I had a talk last night with a friend if I could ever be like Mother Teresa, and we got on the conversation of how we could not give up everything to literally live "that much" alongside the destitute.  I told her that I was more concerned with loving people and caring for them the way she did..not necessarily living a replica of her life and lack of material possessions.  Holding a mangy, flea-infested cat against my body, risking getting fleas and grossness on me, to me, was a type of replica of the love that she showed, that Christ showed, to people.  In that short moment I experienced a new kind of love and deep compassion that I don't always get to experience.

I'm hoping that having that experience with that cat will be transfered into my interactions with other again, that I won't so much "seek to be loved, as to love."  Because honestly, the most important thing I can do right now is to love others, and love them unconditionally, which is probably the most difficult, yet simple thing I can do.

Light it up,

LT